The Hawks Promotional Schedule
Do we think the Hawks were a little worried about attendance this upcoming season?
I apologize for not getting to this sooner. The Hawks announced their promotional schedule last week, and that's always a chance for some chicanery from the butcher's-dog-smiling like myself. We could start this by being a touch suspicious about how overloaded the promotional schedule seems this season after being utterly empty the past few. Seven bobblehead nights guaranteed to pack the building? Are the Hawks a touch worried that another outhouse season might make the 300 Level resemble a 4am bar on a Tuesday night (I know nothing of this)? Sparsely populated only by the truly lost and addled (I know nothing of this)?
Let's be positive about it, though. Perhaps it's just a case of the team actually listening to their fans. The lack of promotional giveaways has been a sore spot for a lot of the red clad, especially our faves on Reddit. How often do we feel like teams are actually listening to their fans? Or at least their fans who sit in seats that aren't behind glass with their own servers? Pretty rare, so let's hand it to the Hawks. Jaime Faulkner gets so little right, she could use the fillip.
Now let's crack the whip on all of it!
(with apologies to Pointless Exercise for butchering a bit he's been doing for years...)
October 11th - Magnet Schedule
Also comes with a red marker where you can circle the exact date and game your soul will shrivel and exit out of one of pores.
October 17th - Stan Mikita Bobblehead
The first sports bobblehead to depict a player with half a dart while in action!
October 19th - Spencer Knight Player Pin
Look closely, and that's actually the expression Knight will have on his face for most of the season.
November 15th - Tony Esposito Bobblehead
This would be more accurate if the head could be removed to reveal it also doubles as a scotch flask. You're sitting on a goldmine, Faulkner!
November 18th - Military Appreciation Night
How much easier this will be when the army is just right outside roaming the streets as an occupying force. They'll barely have to detour to get into the building!
November 20th - Native American Heritage Night
Odds this becomes some sort of lightning rod for the morons in the right wing? Perhaps the Hawks strategy of being completely irrelevant has its perks.
November 23rd - Denis Savard Bobblehead
Oddly modeled on Savard at a blackboard explaining how he's going to use three power play units on a non-playoff team, somehow. You'll stare at it in the same disbelief his players did!
November 30th - Alex Vlasic Player Pin
It's got the same uneasy smile that Vlasic will have when Jeff Blashill forbids him from crossing the red line and he watches K'Andre Miller take his Olympic team spot.
December 13th - Chris Chelios Bobblehead
Y'know, for a guy who wants fans to forget that he played and worked for the Wings for longer than he was a Hawk so they'll cheer him again, it's kind of odd that all the nights that are in his honor come when the Red Wings are in town. Anyway, he'll get Weezer to play at this, too.
January 4th - Brent Seabrook Bobblehead
A week after you bring it home it's doubled in size and collapsed the shelf!
January 17th - Duncan Keith Bobblehead
Some scamp out there is going to position their Duncan Keith bobblehead next to their Daniel Sedin bobblehead and thousands in Vancouver will simultaneously and involuntarily wet themselves and they won't know why.
January 25th - Hockey Fights Cancer
This will now be the extent of cancer research in this country.
February 2nd - Pride Night
One day of off-ice work during training camp will be entirely comprised of players rehearsing their statements to the press on why they decided to not wear the jerseys in warm-ups.
March 17th - St. Patrick's Day
Kirill Kaprizov arrives to the U.C. quickly trying to get Zillow listings in the West Loop off his screen (we can dream!).
March 22nd - Frank Nazar Player Pin
You can take it home and make it captain. God knows the team won't.
Nebulous Hall Of Fame Celebration
The dedication of the wax statues of McDonough, Quenneville, and Bowman all standing around a table inert has yet to have a date announced.