The Weekender - Premier League Round 2: The Crucible, And Whatever Else
It's our normal Friday feature. Or Friday Fung! Whatever you guys want to call it. Just do so in the privacy of your own home.
Match Of The Weekend - Newcastle vs. Liverpool (Monday, 3pm ET)
Technically not on the weekend, but it's certainly the headliner of Round 2's slate. Even with Alexander Isak in his crib somewhere else, his aura will be hanging over this one like Galactus's shadow (which I realize is all Galactus was in the first attempt to bring him to film, but I hear it got better in the latest Fantastic Four film). Newcastle's home opener on a Monday night would have had the Geordies properly gassed up anyway. But now with Liverpool just sort of lingering in the background, being the guy she told Newcastle not to worry about, as Isak keeps turning around to bat his lashes at, the St. James's Park faithful are going to be somewhere beyond frothing and approaching maniacal. The volume on this one would shatter some windows in Wrigleyville (topical!)
Newcastle gave Liverpool all sorts of problems in two of their three meetings last season, with the energy in midfield just something the Reds' couldn't deal with. Considering the atmosphere, if Liverpool were hoping that Newcastle might lack some of that bite, you'd have to say that would be filed under "forlorn."
The rest of the slate...
West Ham vs. Chelsea (Friday, 3pm ET)
The Hammers were truly abysmal away at Sunderland to start the season, and even at this early stage, if they lay an egg at home those who like to blow bubbles will be getting towards poisonous. Chelsea looked a touch blunt against Palace, but West Ham look like pretty good panacea for those who can't score.
Man City vs. Tottenham (Saturday, 7:30am ET)
Sadly, yet another sunrise kickoff of a match that would be worth watching. City were menacing in tearing Wolves into confetti, but Wolves also let them do whatever they want. Spurs may lack some zhuzh, but it has enough graft to make things a whole lot harder than the architecture walking tour Tijjani Reijnders got in the opening weekend. Spurs can also counter at pace, which was City's soft underbelly last season. Could be curious.
Bournemouth vs. Wolves (Saturday, 10am ET)
Bournemouth are still a pretty vivacious attacking outfit, though that might have had something to do with the Michigan-sized of open space Liverpool were leaving them on the counter. Wolves put up a pretty decent half hour or so against City, but then were pulverized. If they leave Semenyo, Evanilson, and Co. the same amount of time and space they left City, they may find the result the same.
Brentford vs. Aston Villa (Saturday, 10am EST)
Villa got out of playing Newcastle down a man for 25 minutes, which in the end isn't the worst result in the world. They looked a little stale though, and Ollie Watkins was something of a rumore. Brentford got mullered by Forest, so maybe this is what Villa need to find some swagger again. Should Brentford get it in the pills for a second week in a row, the questions about hiring a set-piece coach as head coach won't be too far behind.
Burnley vs. Sunderland (Saturday, 10am ET)
I've always wondered if it's kind of deflating to get back into the Premier League, eagerly await the schedule to be released, dream of who you'll open the season against at home...and then find out it's a team you were playing last year in the Champo. Perhaps after getting thwacked by Spurs in the season opener, Burnley will be relieved to get a fellow promoted club as a landing. Whichever, but we can be sure JJ Watt will find his way onto your TV. He's got to pile in the appearances before Burnley pile up the losses and then no one can find him with every satellite in orbit.
Arsenal vs. Leeds (Saturday, 12:30pm ET)
Arsenal didn't get out of third gear to beat United, and they may not have to to get past Leeds. The latter looked pretty spiky at home against Everton, though they didn't score until after they'd petered out, thanks to a pretty soft penalty. This is obviously a different ballgame.
Crystal Palace vs. Nottingham Forest (Sunday, 9am ET)
Palace begin the post-Eze era, maybe the post-Guehi era, and will have to figure out what their attack looks like without the main cog. Forest can take their fireworks show on the road, after pumping three past Brentford. Palace will let them have the ball some more, so they'll get another chance to prove they have a new leaf. Or new page. New something, for sure.
Everton vs. Brighton (Sunday, 9am ET)
Everton open the Hill-Dickinson Stadium, which sounds like the production company for Law & Order. Brighton had pretty much the most Brighton of opening games, dominating for long stretches, not scoring a second to kill it off, and then puking up the lead in the last minute. Everton's midfield started to look more tasty in the second half against Leeds, and they'll need to extend that further against the Seagulls. Everton in a gleaming new structure...doesn't feel right.
Fulham vs. Manchester United (Sunday, 11:30am ET)
No matter how these teams are going, it always feels like United get a win at Craven Cottage. People seemed impressed by the improvement from United from last season to the season opener. But then, how could they have been any worse? Fulham didn't look like there was much to them in Round 1, so perhaps they're the perfect foil for United's "progression."
The Local Angle
Cubs at Angels: Taking three of five from the Brewers probably isn't enough to reopen the NL Central discussion, but it's at least something to hang onto. This will also be everyone's yearly reminder that the Angels do, in fact, exist. I know I'd forgotten.
White Sox vs. Twins: This could have had extra spice, given that Twins fans though they had an escape route in ownership, only to see whatever Ishbia it is deciding to shack up with Reinsdorf and leave them stuck with the fuckstick Pohlads. But both of these fanbases are so beaten down it's the opposite of spice. Milk? Cottage cheese? Whatever.
Bears vs. Chiefs: Both teams say their starters will play. Then it'll be scrub-a-palooza. But you'd better drink it in, because the 17 days between this and the Bears Monday night opener are going to be Chinese water torture.
It's the last preseason game, so I feel obligated to mention that my brother always wanted the final cuts to be announced during the final preseason game, and the discarded would have to trudge from the sidelines to the locker room in front of everyone. It was the only way he though the last preseason game would be interesting. It's worth discussing.