What The Fuck Is This?
The Hawks barf in front of their moms again, getting their doors blown off in Pittsburgh.
I know that all the moms, at one point in their lives, watched each and every one of their sons puke on themselves, or shit themselves, or piss themselves, because that's what moms do. I doubt they thought they'd have to do it again when coming on the biannual "Mom's Trip." But a heaping helping of bodily fluids staining their kids' clothes is exactly what they got in Pittsburgh last night, as the Hawks decided they didn't need to play after the opening 20 minutes while the Penguins decided they very much did.
It was so bad, I couldn't even laugh at Darren Pang spending the 1st intermission lauding how the Hawks are always ready to play, they rarely get blown out, and they give their best most every night. They then spent 40 minutes getting squashed to the Earth's core. Great timing, Panger. Sell harder.
Honestly, the hard sell that has taken over every broadcast is getting unlistenable. I don't know if it comes from above, or Pang and Rick Ball just feel the need to keep people interested as the Hawks continue to have their organs harvested, but it's a level of horseshit that is speeding up climate change on its own.
Here are some myths that keep getting peddled:
-"Vlasic and Crevier will keep getting better and better." Both turn 25 in the spring. Most likely, both have entered their peak years already.
-"Levshunov's struggles are just because it takes a long time for young d-men to adjust to the NHL game." Blow me. He's the #2 overall pick who got 50 games at the AHL level before he saw the NHL. It's supposed to be better than this. He's supposed to at least face the right way most of the time. He continues to show next to no instincts. He also does speak the language, given the amount of interviews I see with him in The Athletic. We'll get back to this doofus in a second.
-"The power play creates chances consistently, it's just unlucky." Again, the Hawks' xGF on the power is second-worst in the league, and its gaudy numbers earlier in the season was only due to an unsustainable shooting-percentage.
And these are just off the top of my head. There is more gas pumped into our ears every night than this. I just can't list it all for fear of a brain bubble.
-Ok, back to Levshunov. The Hawks are almost certainly praying that the Olympic break will get here before Levshunov has a full breakdown. But even after that break, is it really in the best interest of Levshunov to be at this level, when he's getting his brains beaten in every night? The Penguins scored three goals off of goalmouth scrambles that he and Kaiser couldn't do anything about. Ben Kindel's goal, the 2nd for the Pens, came after Levshunov waved at an attempt to clear the zone. Here's some more brilliance:
Ah, the old Major Wright Trail Technique.
Worryingly, right before this, Levshunov looks up the ice as Kaiser chases Malkin too far outside the circles, so he knows Chinakhov is coming. He still gets caught flat-footed.
30 seconds later...
Bet you're wondering how I got here...
This is a nothing, which leaves the whole middle of the ice open, as well as doesn't put any pressure on Kindel to keep him from making this pass. Now, Levshunov is hardly the only one to blame. Anthony Mantha, whose skating would be best described as "rock person like," streaks right by both Nazar and Teravainen as they're dogging it back. It's a great look for everyone.
Here's another example of Levshunov facing the wrong way:
Given what we've seen from Rinzel, Korchinski, and Levshunov now, we might just have to conclude the Hawks don't have the first fucking clue how to develop an offensive d-man. Don't worry, Louis Crevier is here to guard the rim.
-Speaking of Chinakhov, here's another player that the Hawks could have easily taken a flier on. He's a former first round pick, he only cost the Pens a 2nd this year and a 3rd next year, which the Hawks already have plenty of, and you never know what you might find. They're hardly guaranteed to produce enough wingers for the top six. What would have been the harm in seeing if Chinakhov would be one? Maybe they could have even pumped and dumped him next season if even half their figments become real things. But given the way everyone else is developing, other than Bedard, the Hawks probably would have fucked it up anyway.
-Speaking of making kids eat it, what is the good in having Soderblom get pilfered every start now? Even if his teammates are hanging him out to dry, as they most certainly did last night, what good is coming of this? If the Hawks think there's anything to be found in either Soderblom or Drew Commesso, they need to switch places. Soderblom might break otherwise, and what more does Commesso have to learn in the AHL? How is this helping anyone?
-Anyone else bothered that, other than Bedard, Ben Kindel is miles ahead of any first round pick the Hawks have made?
The Hawks can make Ball and Pang claim all they want, but nothing is better than it was last season except the goaltending. They may have started to install some kids into the lineup, but what are they doing? At least Ryan Greene flashes on occasion, but he's not a foundational piece. Meanwhile, Ivan Demidov has more points than any Hawk forward other than Bedard. How do we all feel about that?
They have six regulation wins in their last 27 games. Bedard and Nazar aren't scoring, garbage goals aside. Their #2 pick blue line anchor can't find his ass with either hand right now. What is it we're supposed to be excited about?