Which April Game Will Hawks Sycophants Lose Their Mud Over (Free)?

The schedule is out, and it doesn't mean anything.

The NHL schedule release was never like the NFL schedule release. No schedule release is. Everyone plays each other, the season will feel like a slog in January, it's just about what order everything that we know comes in.

But that doesn't mean it didn't used to have some value and juice. For any team that's serious, it was fun to see where the long road trips were, where the stretch of games against the remedial class were, where late-season games against division rivals that might feel big would take place. Boxing Day isn't a thing anymore, but the December 27th game can feel a little more spritely than the others. Maybe where a team is either side of Thanksgiving, or how the season would finish if wildcards or division crowns were being chased.

There's no serious team here, so none of that matters. There is no stretch for the Hawks where we'd be looking for them to "make hay" to improve their playoff chase, because there is no hay. We are a hay-less prairie. Definitely bereft of hay, or even the possibility of it being manufactured.

So when the Western Canada swing takes place? No one cares. California swing that might surprise? Doesn't live here. Crunch late-season game against Colorado? Get the fuck outta here, dope.

What intrigue does the schedule that was released today have? The initial one was seeing if the Hawks might start the season with some gauntlet that could leave them 0-6-1 or 1-9-1 or something that might cause Danny Wirtz to actually look at his phone while in line at Qdoba and wonder what's going on.

On that tip? Eh....maybe. The season opens with the Hawks likely getting paddled by Florida right after they raise their second-straight banner. But a trip to Boston for what should be an equally moribund Bruins team could prove quick salve. The Hawks open the home portion of the slate against Montreal and Utah, which could go either way. Trips to St. Louis, Tampa, and Winnipeg would seem pretty daunting, as just about every road game will. But home games against the Canucks, Senators, and Ducks aren't automatic losses.

There's an argument that the Hawks could get out of October at .500, which would send Reddit into a diabetic shock. They could also end up 2-7-2. Maybe that will be enough for actual pressure and urgency. I tend to doubt it.

But the real question of the Hawks schedule comes at the end. The Hawks have spared no effort to make a huge deal out of their last April stretch, one that was going so well that Ryan Donato and Connor Murphy felt the need to hold a players-only meeting with four games to go. But hey, they won a game against a team trying to barely scrape into the last wildcard spot in the East, a team that then got thoroughly ass-waxed right out of the playoffs, so things are on the up!

There's little doubt the Hawks will try to do the same come next April, as Sacha Boisvert is likely to join the fun by then. Fuck, maybe even Nick Lardis will have come up for air, and perhaps Anton Frondell depending on when his Swedish season ends. The Hawks can use the same playbook, because everyone was so gaga over it last time. Also, they have nothing else.

So, in the April schedule, which is the one game the Hawks will try to use as justification for the previous four years of wasting everyone's time and the three to come? Let's see:

April 2nd at Edmonton: Probably not this one. The Oilers will be in full get-this-over-with mode, especially after the top of the roster has been involved in the Olympics. Maybe they'll even have McDavid and Draisaitl on post-international tournament vacation still, just like they did after the 4 Nations.

April 4th at Seattle: Small chance. But there's only a sliver of hope that the Kraken will be in the playoff hunt, and more likely will suck deep pond scum just like the Hawks. This is another team that did nothing over the summer, except find a patsy to dump Andre Burakovsky on. Hey, wait a minute...

April 6th at San Jose: Nope, though this might be the one Hawks fans get a little annoyed by, if that's even still possible, if the Sharks have passed the Hawks in the standings by any open length. Maybe if the Hawks really kick their ass it would be proof for the TRUE BELIEVERS that theirs is the righteous path. I don't even know anymore.

April 9th vs. Carolina: Not here, either. The Canes will be ramping up into playoff mode, and with an expected deflating of the Capitals, probably will have already coasted to the top of the Metro by this point already. Could be a win over a completely disinterested Canes team, which we know the members love. Just like that...uh...erm...shootout loss to the Jets last April. Such heart!

April 11th vs. St. Louis: Here we go! Saturday night, at home, late in the season, division rival, and one that's probably only in the wildcard picture. Maybe the Jets or Wild drop enough for the Blues to nab an automatic spot. But I'm not sure Pius Suter makes this any more than the 96-point team they were last season. Especially after Jordan Binnington costs Team Canada the gold medal and is pissing himself constantly for the next two months. Can't you see a late goal winning this one, by like, Lardis or Bedard, and a declaration that the Hawks have "arrived?' You can, can't you? It'll be the hockey version of that time in August 2014 when Jorge Soler homered twice against the Cardinals, including the second one that landed at the J-School at Mizzou, and was the opening salvo for the Cub-ageddon to come. Really, it will. History rhymes, people.

April 13th vs. Buffalo: This will either be used as a benchmark to showcase that the Hawks have surpassed the Sabres, which would be some accomplishment to crow about from the TRUE BELIEVERS. Or it will show just how much farther the Hawks have to go to get to the nowhere the Sabres have inhabited for 15 years.

April 15th vs. San Jose: See above.

So there you have it. 4/11 against the Blues is the only game that will "matter" in the 2025-2026 season, and be used as the cudgel to beat the rest of us over the head about how big things are in store for 2026-2027.

Everybody get naked, it's going to be great.