Free Daily World Cup Newsletter - Group J Preview: You Be Me For A While And Albiceleste
We move to the defending champs, who come into this one with the biggest swagger in the tournament, but not the best form.
Argentina
Should You Care? If you don't, MLS commissioner Dan Garber will send a hit squad to your house. There's nothing the local league would like more is Lionel Messi hoisting his second-straight World Cup at MetLife, and then rolling into a MLS stadium near you a couple weeks later. Thankfully, though maybe sadly for local fans, Garber doesn't come anywhere near wielding that kind of fixing power.
Anyfuck, there is no list of favorites for this thing that doesn't have Argentina near the top. They walk in with the belt, they dominated South American qualifying, they just won the Copa America here, so the vibes and juice are off the charts. That said, they come into this one a little wonkier than four years ago. Where that version of Argentina had a midfield full of young g0-hards in their peak years and all of them would eat a live wolverine if it meant getting a win, this one sees all of them still here but playing worse than they were. Messi may have been already aging in 2022, but he wasn't plying his trade in MLS and thirty-fucking-eight. Also, and you have to whisper this, Argentina have tended to look better over the past couple years when Messi hasn't played. It's part of the reason he would occasionally hint he wouldn't make this World Cup over the past couple years. Then Garber showed up at his house with a gun to make him. Then Messi's security staff laughed him out of the building, like that scene with Jamie Foxx in Great White Hype. Which is the second time I've worked that movie into these previews, despite me, my college roommate, and Matt McClure being the only three people who have seen it.
Anyfuck, things aren't as sparkling as they were in Qatar. But we'll get to that in the Dudes section.
Do They Care? Obviously, this would be a singular obsession in Argentina regardless. But being able to erase Brazil off the "last team to retain the Wrold Cup" ledger has made this a rabid fixation.
Any Dudes? So many dudes, but not as many that are playing with a snap and glow. Obviously there's Messi, who can still provide a moment or two of incomprehensible genius, even if it means spending 89 minutes resembling someone trying to find the correct ointment at the pharmacy. Julian Alvarez is about the only one who performed at the hilt this season with Atletico Madrid. Nico Paz was the centerpiece to the Como side that shocked everyone by charging into the Champions League places in Italy, but he plays the same position as Messi. Hard luck, kid. Lautaro Martinez was a little ouchy for Inter Milan, but still a goal-contribution machine.
On the flip side, Enzo Fernandez was the symbol of Chelsea malaise. Alexis Mac Allister was moving around Liverpool's midfield like Vladimier Guerrero at the end of his career. Christian Romero rotated being hurt with getting sent off for the last half of his season at Tottenham. Emiliano Martinez was more concerned with shoving anyone he could reach instead of stopping the ball with Villa. Almost everyone on this squad has had some kind of issue during the season. And yet, it always feels like they snap to when they pull on the blue and white stripes.
How's They Get Here? They walked South American qualifying, which is basically set up to not be walked. They mullered Brazil at home, and beat them in Rio. They only beat Colombia or Uruguay once in four tries, the other two powers on the continent, but they didn't have to do anymore than that when they skulled the rest.
They Getting Out Of Here? The group couldn't have come up much easier. This is one of the groups where the winner won't get a third-place team in the R32, which means they would probably get Uruguay in their first knockout. Maybe even Spain, if Yamal and Williams aren't healthy enough to be anywhere close to themselves in the groups. In the R16 it could be Egypt, or Turkiye, or the States at home, or Paraguay. Argentina would be favored against all, but none would be a hanging curveball. Portugal or Colombia could be waiting in the quarters. It's not the hardest road to the semis, but it also won't be Singin' In The Rain.
It also should be mentioned that Argentina's run to the trophy four years ago was highly weird. They blew a two-goal lead to the Dutch late in the quarters. They blew a two-goal lead to the French late in the Final. They got all of those to go their way. Play with matches again like that here, and it would only take one card flipping the other way for them to go out way earlier. And this team probably isn't as good as that one.
Prediction: As I hold onto my belief that this will be an extremely weird tournament, and some big boy is going to hit the dirt way early, I'm eyeing that R32 game with bad intentions. Except Uruguay might have turned into Anarchy In The Arena at their team base by the time they get there.
Austria
Should You Care? Do you like scenery? That's about all Austria has ever managed to be. This is their first World Cup since 1998, but they've been in the last three Euros, and absolutely no one could tell you about any of their games in them. They've even gotten out of the group in the last two, and I still can't remember any of them. They reportedly beat the Dutch in their last group game two years ago. Lies.
Do They Care? It's their first one in a while, so there's a novelty factor. They also don't have huge expectations.
Any Dudes? Uh...there's a collection of B-level Bundesliga contributors. Romano Schmid was a pretty creative outlet for Werder Bremen. Outside of that tier, David Alaba has looked great in the Real Madrid training room for the past few seasons. Kevin Danso made a lot of engine noises running around the Tottenham Hostpur Stadium. Konrad Laimer is a bit of a Swi...er, Austrian Army Knife (?) for Bayern Munich. And they have, this is no exaggeration, the tournament's biggest asshole in Marko Arnautović.
How'd They Get Here? Efficiently enough, as you might imagine Austria would, doing just enough to top a group with Romania and Bosnia-Herzegovina, losing only to Romania away, the hardest game they had to face.
They Getting Out Of Here? Probably. They don't have to do anything against Argentina, because they can beat Jordan and Algeria and easily progress. The second-place team in this group though likely gets Spain right into the teeth in the R32. That's probably as far as this goes.
Prediction: See above.
Algeria
Should You Care? Eh, not especially. This isn't an African team on the level of Morocco or Senegal. They did get to the quarters of the last AFCON, but they didn't really see anyone until Nigeria in said quarters, who pulled their shirt over their head and stuffed them in a locker. Similarly, their World Cup qualifying group contained no other monsters. So they can beat who they're supposed to and lost who they're supposed to. With their being one team they should beat in this group and two they should lose to, their math doesn't really math.
Do They Care? They missed the last two World Cups, so a fair amount of relief in getting to this one.
Any Dudes? Rayan Alt-Nouri is in the rotation for Manchester City. Riyad Mahrez was a dude for City a few years ago, but now he's living that Saudi life. Mohamed Amoura is a contributor for Wolfsburg. Same can be said for Ramy Bensebaini at Dortmund. Read the same for Amine Gouiri in Marseille. There's a lot of almost-dudes here.
How'd They Get Here? Went 8-1-1 in their qualifying group to never really be under any threat, though there weren't any other traditional powers there, either.
They Getting Out Of Here? Everyone gets their free spot on the bingo card with win over Jordan, which at least positions them to have a crack at getting out as a third-place team. There's a lot of guys in the squad who are in the prime age, but the noises aren't great. Vladimir Petkovic is the manager, and most everyone has spent his entire stint complaining about the garbage football Algeria have been playing. Maybe they don't have enough pieces to play like others might, but they haven't been water-tight, either. Feels like not quite enough, but maybe they get a draw against Austria to sneak through.
Prediction: A more narrow loss to Argentina as one might guess, just because it's the first game, beat Jordan, but have it all come unstuck against Austria when they have to go get something.
Jordan
Should You Care? Other than this being their first appearance, no, not really.
Do They Care? It's their first one, I just told you.
Any Dudes? Yazan Al-Naimat was the main dude in qualifying, with eight goals and five assists in 16 games.
How'd They Get Here? Finished second to South Korea in their qualifying group, getting a draw in South Korea along the way. Beat Iraq by a point to avoid the playoffs. They also finished second in the last Asian Cup, but that was won by Qatar, and we know Qatar are pants. What goes on at the Asian Cup?
They Getting Out Of Here? Nope.
Prediction: Nope.