Free World Cup Newsletter - Group I Preview: You Get What Everyone Gets

We move on to what would be the Group of Death. But is there really a Group of Death when three teams can go through in a 48-team tournament?

France

Should You Care? God yes. Here's a list of players that might not start or play regularly for Les Bleus: Lucas Digne, Malo Gusto, Theo Hernandez, William Saliba, Maxence Lacroix, N'Golo Kante, Warren Zaire-Emery, Marcus Thuram, Bradley Barcola, Desire Doue, Jean-Phillipe Mateta. That's who might not play regularly. That team is good enough to get out of any group, and maybe even win a knockout game or two. Again, that's who's backing up.

France rolls up, once again, with the most talented squad in the tournament. England can't really match this depth, and Argentina can't really match the first 11. Portugal can claim to be just as good in defense and midfield, maybe even a skosh better, but they don't have the forwards. That also doesn't include Hugo Ekitike, who would have been a backup striker before his achilles hit the wrong note.

So yeah, there's no excuse here. A front three of Mbappe, Dembele, and Olise will cause any defense to fill their shorts. Or they can shift Olise back a bit, shunt Mbappe wide left where he likes to be anyway, and start Thuram or Mateta, just to be assholes. Or do that with Rayan Cherki as the #10. There's so many options here it's a wonder manager Didier Deschamps doesn't foam at the mouth.

The only thing holding them back is there's still a suspicion that Deschamps is the world's luckiest oaf. He may be, but that only seems to come home to roost in the Euros, where France tends to flame out before they should. They were a pubic hair away from winning back-to-back World Cups, so even he can't really get in the way. International football should be harder than giving instructions of, "Go play!" But that might be all this team required.

Do They Care? There was a time when a good portion of France (basically everywhere north of Marseille) put forth a Gallic shrug when it came to soccer. Since they've been rolling out super teams, both internationally and then with PSG, that's no longer the case. It also used to be there was always a good chance the squad itself would turn into its own version of "A Long Day's Journey Into Night" (so cultured!) and sink the whole ship. While Adrien Rabiot's mom should always be watched for trying to start a brawl in the stands with other parents, that's not really the case anymore, either. Perhaps Deschamps's greatest strength is keeping everyone in line, which is no small task considering the wealth of French talent that is...well, French. See Madrid, Real for evidence on how that can go balls-up.

Any Dudes? There are basically no non-dudes here. That front line will have the best player in France, the best player in Germany, and Kylian Mbappe. The defense has Bundesliga and Premier League and Serie A and La Liga winners just loitering around. Maybe the midfield is weaker than the other two levels, but it's a warped scale. Zaire-Emery, Rabiot, and Tchouameni would be the envy of about 90 percent of the teams invading this continent this summer.

How'd They Get Here? Walked their qualifying group, with five wins out of six, the only blemish was a 2-2 draw in Iceland where they were probably freezing their oeufs off.

They Getting Out Of Here? Oh yeah, it's just about who's gonna stop them in the knockouts. The answer very well may no-fucking-one. Winning the group, as they would be expected to do, gets a third-place team in the round of 32. Then it could be Germany, or possibly Ecuador if they get spiky in the groups. Neither are at France's level, though if everything broke either's way it could end up tricky. That match would also be in Philly in July, so everyone should bring heaps of Gold Bond. Negotiate that and it could be the Dutch, Japan, Morocco, or even Brazil if they don't hit the melody from jump street in their group. Morocco threw a scare into them four years ago, but that seems the limit of what they can do.

Prediction: Semifinals at worst, where they should get another date with Spain, who knocked them out of the Euros two years ago at the same stage. Winner of that likely wins the whole damn thing.

Norway

Should You Care? Probably, for a lot of the reasons you should care about Japan. Norway are going to be very hipster-chic come next week, given that they have an actual Transformer playing striker, and a midfield that can get him the ball. Norway hasn't been to this since 1998, when they upset Brazil, and it's pretty easy to see Ødegaard and Haaland on the team sheet and see the former threading passes through to the latter four times a game in your mind. Certainly worked against Italy in qualifying.

Needless to say, Norway does come equipped with a hand cannon. Even if they don't really know how to wield it, that doesn't mean they can't do some damage to whoever they come across.

Do They Care? First major tournament in 26 years? Yeah, they're kinda stoked about it.

Any Dudes? The main dude you know, and that's Erling Haaland. This mutant creation gone wrong piled up 16 goals in eight qualifying games. He might not do anything else, but when the one trick a player can pull is score goals like a coke binge, people tend to not care. Ødegaard didn't end up playing a huge role in Arsenal's title win, which might actually be a reason for Arsenal's title win, but he's still one of the most gifted passers on the planet. Given a #9 ahead of him like Haaland, and there's always a chance of mischief. Oscar Bobb came out of the Man City school, and at times looked like he might become another evildoer on the wing for them. He moved to Fulham in January to play regularly, but it didn't really work out. Speaking of Fulham, Sander Berge has been their anchor point for a good few years now, the type of midfielder who never lets anyone down. Julian Ryerson piled up 15 assists for Dortmund this season, so whatever ammo Ødegaard isn't feeding to Haaland, Ryerson will be. Kristoffer Ajer was a solid presence in Brentford's defense. That's a lot of dudes for a supposed mid-level European team!

How'd They Get Here? Hilariously clubbed Italy twice, to the combined tune of 7-1, including 4-1 in Milan, to sentence Italy to the playoffs. And you know how that went. Strolled past everyone else, authoring a perfect record in qualifying with a +32 goal-difference. It helps when a team pours 11 past Moldova at home, of course, but they were treating everyone like a kong, too.

They Getting Out Of Here? There's always the worry of stage fright with a team that hasn't been in a tournament together before. They certainly come strutting into this, and even if they're not playing well, having Haaland around will always threaten to get them out of a jam. Feels like a ton hinges on their game with Senegal. Having France last is a boon, as the French may be taking the day off if they've already qualified. Iraq will obviously bunker in, terrified of the firepower Norway have shown. Even if they just squeeze out a 1-0 there, that'll set them up. Finishing second in the group earns a date with Ecuador or Ivory Coast (or possibly Germany). Ecuador trying to cancel out Haaland would definitely be immovable object vs. irresistible force type shit.

Prediction: Make heavy weather of their first game, but fight through it, qualify second, but come unstuck in the round of 32, disappointingly.

Senegal

Should You Care? Yeah, because no team is coming into this tournament with a better villain origin story. Or hero origin story, depending on your point of view. Senegal, for all that anyone cares, are African champions. They beat Morocco in the final last January, on the field. Except, they left that field after a couple calls didn't go their way, which some might view as straight up quitting. Certainly, it's petulant as shit. The delay in getting them to come back out definitely played a hand in Brahim Diaz boning the penalty that Senegal got all huffy about in the first place. They then scored in extra time against a pretty shellshocked Morocco, all the while fighting ballboys to do it (fighting the ballboys was one of the major tenets of Senegal's grievance over the whole final).

Morocco went to court to overturn the result, which they've initially done, so the official record says that Senegal lost due to fucking off the field in injury time and forfeited. It's still going to a higher court to be decided. No matter how it ends, obviously Senegal and Morocco come into the tournament with a very unique chip on the shoulder.

Also, being Africa's best team means they can make some noise here, though there will be more than a few who want to see them eat shit after their shenanigans at AFCON.

Do They Care? They certainly have some taste to wash out, and to prove what happened on the field is what the truth actually is.

Any Dudes? Definitely. Sadio Mane is now collecting checks in the Saudi Arabia Retirement Home For Formerly Cool Footballers. But as he showed against the US, if given a chance or two, he'll still bury some. Iliman Ndiaye is too good for Everton, but seems to have run out of avenues at the moment to escape. Kalidou Koulibaly was one of Europe's best defenders for a hot minute there, but he's also collecting Saudi lucre now. Pape Sarr was last seen running into every wall he could find for Tottenham, but can make things happen on the right day. El Hadji Malick Diouf may have been in the defense that got West Ham relegated, but he did start 30 Premier League games at 21. That's hardly nothing. Bara Ndiaye is 18, perhaps the next wunderkind out of Bayern Munich, and did start against the US last weekend. They have real high hopes for him.

How'd They Get Here? Barely survived a qualifying group with Congo DR, clearing the hurdle by two points. But they don't ask how, and all that.

They Getting Out Of Here? The 48-team format flattens out the whole "Group Of Death" aspect. All three of the heavies here could get through, depending on how things shake out. They catch the ass-end of the schedule, as they'll open with France, mirroring the 2002 World Cup, which announced their presence on the world stage with authority. But should France get spicy to start the tournament, then there's an awful lot riding on keeping Haaland quiet in match #2. Fail to do that, and even slapping around Iraq won't be enough.

Prediction: They'll sneak a draw with Norway, and then do just enough against Iraq to get out as the third-place team.

Iraq

Should You Care? Much like Iran, going to be hard to shove off the political aspect to one side. God knows what bullshit will befall them on their way through the tournament. On the field, they're in way deep.

Do They Care? Bit of an understatement to say they have a point to prove.

Any Dudes? 'Fraid not.

How'd They Get Here? It's hard to get to juiced about a team that sank into the last chance saloon in Asian qualifying, and blew that, then needed the last chance saloon of the intercontinental playoffs, which saw them beat Boliva, South America's seventh-best team. They couldn't get out of a group with Saudi Arabia and Indonesia.

They Getting Out Of Here? There's always one game, the third game of the groups, where one established team needs to beat a minnow to go through, but the minnow, perhaps chasing their first ever point in the World Cup or something, becomes quite the obstreperous obstacle. Senegal will be hoping that's not the case. And it won't be.

Prediction: Poof. And just like that...they're gone.